S.T.I. Tests
If you are under the age of 15 – It is hard to find information but from what I can understand from this guide, a doctor will only notify your parent or guardian if they believe you cannot give them expressed consent to a test. They should not notify your parent or guardian for any other reason. For confidential information, support and counselling please call the kids help line 1800 55 1800.
If you have been assaulted – If you are over 18 hospitals will not notify the police of your assault without your permission. If you are a minor, medical professionals legally have to report the assault. For confidential information, support and counselling please call 1800 RESPECT,
1800 737 732.
If you have never had a sexual health screening or you’ve been putting one off because you’re scared, embarrassed or nervous – this post is for you. This is a play by play of how an STI check-up goes down, and to give you the most accurate information I could, I made an appointment and got tested!
I told my doctor that I was writing this, and I asked her to run through the appointment as if it were my first. I even recorded the appointment like a big shot investigative journalist, so I would appreciate it if, for the duration of this article, you imagine me dressed as Josie Geller, nee Grossy. Neither of us really stuck to the brief and at one point she decided to quiz me on STIs. Which I fucking *l o v e d*. Based on the assumption that you, dear reader, haven’t had an STI test before, I have included an appendix at the end, which is why some words are numbered.
Actual footage of me recording my doctor quiz me about STIs.
Before we go any further, I feel like I need to state the obvious. Now, take a deep breath, you are going to have to talk about sex, your sexual history, and genitals. That is just the nature of the beast, but I can say confidently, whatever your sex life, current or historic, whatever your sex, gender, or identity, you have nothing to be embarrassed about. You are normal and you are valid. And if that didn’t quell your fears, I can assure you, medical professionals have seen and heard it all.
OK! Let’s do it.
I made my appointment with my ride or die Dr R, but if you don’t have a regular GP here are some things to think about.
The doctor – If you have already have a clinic in mind, don’t be afraid to ask for a doctor you know you will feel more comfortable with. As I said you will have to talk about your sexual history and genitals and the more comfortable you are, the less likely you are to flex the truth. Note: I know there is a lot of things wrong with this, we should be comfortable talking about our bodies to the people who are trained and trusted to heal them but that isn’t always the reality, especially if you are a member of the LGBTQIA+ community. For more info on finding inclusive doctors click here.
Payment – STI screenings are covered by Medicare* (1) but not all clinics bulk bill (2). When you make your appointment check with the receptionist that they are a bulk billing clinic. Some clinics only bulk bill certain appointment types, if that’s the case they may ask you what your appointment is regarding. It is up to you whether you want to share that info or not but a simple “sexual health screening” will suffice.
*For Medicare to cover your appointment, you need a Medicare card. See Appendix for more info. If you don’t have a card, there are still clinics that offer free testing.
Edit: there is a cool web tool Health Direct Australia that helps you find a physician and you can filter by bulk billing.
The appointment
The doctor is going to ask you a bunch of questions, to both understand your history and the reason for the appointment. How long you’ve been sexually active, how many partners you’ve had, what type of sex you’ve had (oral, penetrative) and what forms of contraceptive you use (condoms, diaphragms… pull out method). If you have a vagina, they will also ask you about your pap smear (3) history, your HPV immunisation (4), and if you’ve had any IUDs, injections or taken the pill (5).
I previously mentioned flexing the truth. I understand some of these questions can feel intrusive and in the split second you’re given to reflect on your answer you can feel embarrassed (internalised shame… thanks patriarchy (6)) and you, don’t lie exactly, you just flex the truth a little. I am not judging you for it, I have done it *cough it was regarding the pull-out method cough*. But I will stress that the reason being honest is so important is because your answers could alter testing and treatment. And at the end of the day you’re going through this whole process for your health and well-being, so why not do it properly?
Actual footage of my doctor asking me to prove it that my boyfriend and I used condoms.
As I said, my doctor and I didn’t really stick to the brief of “first time appointment”. In this case it was because I was actually getting tested and the in depth Q&A wasn’t conducive to my health. I did however update her on the things that applied to me.
The tests
I don’t know you or your situation so I can’t tell you definitively what tests the doctor will or won’t run, but for a routine STI screening, they will give you a urine sample container (you can usually do this in the clinic bathroom) and paperwork for a blood test that you need to take to a pathology clinic (7). Your doctor won’t need inspect or swab your genitals unless you have sores, blisters or warts*. Sometimes discharge may warrant a swab, depending on the situation, the doctor will do it or they will give you a swab and container to take to the bathroom and perform yourself. If you have a vagina and have never had a pap smear, they may want to perform one either in that appointment or they will ask you to come back for one.
*My doctor wanted me to impress that “warts don’t get swabbed. They get biopsied or fried”.
What are the tests looking for?
The urine test looks for Gonorrhoea and Chlamydia and the blood test looks for Hepatitis, HIV and Syphilis. “What about Herpes?” I hear you asking. A blood test will pick up on the Herpes Simplex Virus but it cannot differentiate between the two strains HSV-1 & HSV-2. So say you have had cold sores in the past, a common flare of HSV-1, and your blood test comes back showing you’re positive for Herpes. Is that the HSV-1 you know is in your system or do you also have HSV-2? Unless you have blisters or sores for the doctor to swab, Herpes is hard to flag.
Because I couldn’t find any Herpes references in Never Been Kissed…
A quick note on HPV: Human Papillomavirus is another extremely common STI, but currently it is only tested for in people with vaginas by pap smear. Depending on your age, you may have received a vaccine. You can read more about HPV here.
Because I had no presenting symptoms and couldn’t muster a urine sample, I took my lil cup and forms and off I went. Let me tell you that I have mastered the art of urine samples, in both execution and presentation #urinebrag. So the next morning as I waited at my local QML (7a), fresh cup of wizz in hand, I was slightly unsettled when I saw a man with, I swear to god, what looked like a 10L water jug of urine, not at all hidden in a plastic woollies bag. I wasn’t going to include that in the blog because c’mon it’s a medical thing, I am not going to judge or make fun of someone who is obviously unwell. But then he opened his mouth. He was so rude to the nurse I decided I would use his alarmingly large sample of fluid as an example to back up my statement of “medical professionals have seen and heard it all”, because this nurse did not bat an eyelid. Once my samples were taken, I thanked the nurse and told her I appreciated her and the work she does. Because seriously, everyone needs to be nicer to nurses.
Actual footage of me with my urine sample at QML, making eye contact with the nurse while a man told her how to do her job.
Getting your results
Every practice is different in how they give results. Some require a follow up appointment but my GP is “no news is good news”, if they need to see me, they will call. In theory I’m not a fan of no news is good news but in practice it doesn’t really make a difference because there is always something wrong with me and I am always at the doctor. So, it came as no surprise when the clinic nurse called saying the doctor needed to see me to discuss my results.
The follow up
Whether you got a call or you are waiting for the follow up appointment, my biggest piece of advice here is “try not to stress”, and as a chronic over thinker, I know how annoying that sounds. You don’t know what they found, so don’t think worst case scenario. I had a low level of Rubella antibodies, which I don’t know if they usually test for that or if it is just my doctor taking liberties because she really wants me to have a baby, but all I had to do was get a MMR shot.
Getting a positive result
Even though my results came back negative for STIs, a couple of years ago I was told I had HPV, so I trust me when I say, I know what it’s like. Just like any unfavourable news, you’re of course allowed to be upset, but an STI is not the end of the world, in most cases they are just slightly inconvenient. If you get a positive result, your doctor will discuss the issue and what your next course of action will be, including treatment and if you need to notify previous partners. Whatever the diagnosis, it is nothing to be ashamed about and you are not alone. For information on how to deal with a diagnosis, check out this article.
Getting regular STI screenings is so important and you should get them regardless of symptoms!
Appendix
1 Medicare – Medicare is a government scheme that gives Australian residents access to healthcare. To use Medicare, you must hold a Medicare card. If you’re 15 or over and you don’t have your own card you can apply for one here.
2 Bulk Bill – Bulk billing is when the government covers the cost.
3 Pap Smears – A Pap test is a screening procedure that tests for the presence of precancerous or cancerous cells on the cervix. Read more about them here.
4 HPV immunisation – The HPV vaccine program was added to the National Immunisation Program in 2007. If you were in high school from 2007 onwards, you have probably had the vaccine.
5 IUDs, injections and the pill – These are all forms of contraceptives or birth control.
6 The patriarchy – Patriarchy is a social system which men hold primary power. In this instance, I am referring to the slut-shaming propaganda the patriarchy worked so seamlessly into our everyday lives that it has infected our psyche.
7 Pathology clinic – Pathology clinics collect, handle and transport things like blood, urine and faecal samples for medical laboratories to perform the tests a doctor has requested.
7a QML – A pathology lab and service in Queensland.
