Lube 101
Img source Unsplash / Malvestida Magazine
We have all heard of lube, but I don’t know many people who give it much thought, especially young people. In my opinion lube is the most under rated adult product. I love it. It has the health and safety factor of condoms and the pleasure factor of a toy. Lube = health, wealth and happiness. Intrigued? Great! There are about ten million different products available. You may have been overwhelmed by the walls of lubricants in an adult store or maybe underwhelmed at the selection in your grocer, or even too embarrassed to look.
Well, I will try to break it down for you and hopefully bust a couple of stigmas. Let’s do it!
Who, what, when, where, how, why…
It’s a common misconception that if you’re turned on you don’t need lube, let me tell you that’s not the case. If you want to read me yam on about arousal non-concordance, see my love letter to lube, I don’t have the emotional strength to talk about it again without it being a whole thing. If you don’t want to read my love letter to lube (um, rude of you) and you’re too lazy to google arousal non-concordance, just believe me, it is very common for people to not produce fluids when they are aroused. Breastfeeding, chemotherapy, menopause, Sjogren’s syndrome and some antidepressants and antihistamines, can also impact the health of the vagina. Not only does it enhance sex by making everything go smoother, lubricant reduces friction and will help prevent dry and fragile vaginal walls from tearing, reducing the risk of infections.
Lube isn’t just for couples! I ALWAYS use it when I masturbate, it takes my self-care to the next level. Lube isn’t just for sex! It will seriously up your foreplay game. Have you ever been asked to “please stop” because you’re giving a dry hand job? No? just me? Ok. Being single, I have also been known to take lube with me to one-night stands (I really took a hit on the dry hand job..). Have you ever rocked up to a dudes house for some NSA-action and he whips out a bottle of luxe lube? Ohhh baby.. Nothing turns me on more when a single man has a bottle of lubricant. I feel like it tells me something about how they treat themselves and others. Annnyywayyyyy…
Buying your first bottle of lube there are a couple of things to consider. Will you be using toys? Condoms? Some lubricants can break down the materials of your vibrators and cause condoms to tear. What type of sex will you be having? Are you playing out your little mermaid fantasies in the pool or will you be on land? Are you prone to yeast infections? All of these things can impact your choices, I’ll discuss why as I go through the types of lube. Or if you want a handy comparison chart, skip to the end.
Water based
In my opinion, water-based lube is a great starting point. It can be used with toys and condoms and is generally “gentler” so, good for people with sensitive skin. It is also the easiest to clean and shouldn’t stain fabrics. If you’re planning on having sex in the bath, shower, pool, ocean, lake… in a body of water, water-based lube isn’t your best option as it washes away. Two wets make a dry, my friend. If you’re having marathon sessions of sex, keep in mind water-based lubricant will be absorbed quicker than other types variations and will require re-application more frequently.
Silicone based
Silicone based lubricant is silky, slippery and long lasting. It can stain some fabrics and break down condoms and silicone toys (avoid using silicone lube w/ silicone toys) and it is harder to wash off and may leave you feeling like you have residue on your skin. Great for shower sex tho.
Oil based
Oil based lubricant comes in two forms, natural and synthetic. Think olive oil and petroleum jelly (Vaseline), both of these make me cringe, but I cannot stress enough how much I dislike the fact that people scoop coconut oil out of the jar and whack it into their c*nts. Omg. Stop. It has natural antibacterial and antifungal properties which can kill off your good and bad bacteria, throwing out your pH and causing yeast infections! Plus oils are harder to wash out and when they stick around they can cause bacterial vaginosis.
Hybrid
Hybrid lubricants are mostly water with a bit of silicone. Some can be used with toys and condoms, some can’t. Make sure you always check the labels to make sure it is compatible and suits your needs.
THINGS TO NOTE
Do some research or go into your local adult store and ask for help. They should have testers and should be able to give you advice on each particular product.
Warming & cooling
There are so many products that offer a variation of sensations. I don’t recommend for novices. Be aware they can be very overpowering, and the ingredients can also be…. Not great.
Anal
Please, don’t use your saliva. Use lube. Lots and lots of lube. On the butthole and whatever you’re putting in it. You can find tons of lubes specifically for anal sex, some have relaxing or numbing agents in them, I’d be careful with these. Post about these coming soon.
Flavoured
In my opinion the flavoured lubricant market is flooded, and they are all shite. A novelty product that tastes terrible and made with additives can be bad for your flora. I legit hate them and when I see young dudes being like “this is a good all rounder lube” I want to spray them with water “no! bad!”.
pH levels
The pH scale is the measure of alkaline and acidity. 0 is acidic (battery acid), 7 is neutral (water) and 14 is alkaline (drain cleaner). The pH levels of the body vary but a “happy” vagina sits at 3.8 – 4.5. Some lubricants can throw off your pH balance, creating an environment for a whole host of different issues like bacterial vaginosis and yeast infections! I recommend using one with similar pH levels or are “pH balanced”.
Conceiving
If you’re tryna make a baby, it might be handy to know that a lot of common ingredients in lubricant can hinder the mobility of sperm. You can get lube made specifically for procreation.
Natural lubricants
They may sound good in theory but keep in mind you don’t know how you will react to products especially ones that are natural.
Ingredients to be aware of
Glycerin – (Humectant, meaning it helps to retain moisture) Can contribute to an overgrowth of yeast causing yeast infections. If you are prone, maybe steer clear.
Nonoxynol-9 – (Spermicide) Can kill good and bad bacteria which can result in infections like bacterial vaginosis.
Propylene glycol – (Humectant & preservative) Has always been thought of as a chemical to avoid as it can cause vaginal irritation but the FDA say it’s safe so ????.
Chlorhexidine gluconate – (Antibacterial agent) Some people with sensitive vaginas have reported irritation or inflammation.
Parabens – (Preservative) Can mess with your hormones, most products these days will have “paraben free” on the label.
That’s all from me folks. This turned out to be way longer than I thought and I have cut out a lot of jokes so… I hope you appreciate the sacrifice.
