11 Weird-Ass Laws
This is a Christmas gift on it’s own. You don’t know the depths of the internet I had to journey to to find this picture.
While reading something completely unrelated, I saw a crazy law (or lack thereof), was shook, and then it gave me the idea for this article, day 2 of the 12 days of Christmas, Christmas Countdown, 11 whacky laws in the USA. Some of these I fact checked, some I didn’t, deal with it. They are mostly laws that were written a million years ago but no one has changed to suit the modern world, kinda like the constitution.
1. Sleeping naked is illegal in Minnesota
Well. What about after sex? Like the type of sex that you just cannot get up and put your pants back on? Who is dobbing you in? your partner? …. Trust no one.
If Fargo taught me anything, it was to never trust your spouse. Especially if they have an adorable accent.
2. Oral sex is banned in Indiana
Huh… must be where DJ Khaled grew up…
you know who isn’t blessed? DJ Khaled’s wife.
3. Flirting is banned in San Antonio
Makes sense why no one hit on me when I was in San Antonio.
Had nothing to do with the fact I had powdered sugar on my face the whole time.
4. Sex toys are banned in Alabama
I actually think it’s just the sale of sex toys but whatevs, that sucks. I bet they have a higher than usual ER intake from sex related injuries. MAKING THINGS ILLEGAL WONT STOP PEOPLE FROM DOING IT! THEY WILL JUST DO IT IN A MORE DANGEROUS WAY BECAUSE IT IS UNREGULATED!
My vibrators have separation anxiety.
5. There is a law in California that makes it illegal for either partner to reach climax before the other during foreplay
Finally! a good one.
Let’s close the orgasm gap… I’m looking at you Khaled…
6. It’s illegal to call someone a slut / ‘orally or otherwise, falsely and maliciously or falsely and wantonly impute to any female, married or unmarried, a want of chastity’ in Oklahoma.
This is a happy law and poses the question, how different would my adolescents have been if no one called me a gobslut?
7. In Wisconsin an eating establishment may not serve margarine as a substitute for butter unless requested by the customer.
This isn’t a sex related law, but it is extremely important to me because margarine is an abomination.
8. In Texas you can’t own more than 6 sex toys.
Again, Texas, what is your beef with vibrators?
9. In South Carolina you can’t promise a woman marriage in order to seduce her.
There goes ‘The Man’ again, just assuming all women want is to get married… well we also want a craft room and a thermomix, goddamnit!
wowzers.
10. In Mississippi it is illegal to teach people about polygamy.
What about polyandry? orrrrr
11. Cheating is listed as a class 3 misdemeanour in Arizona.
What receipts do you need for your spouse to get charged?
Asking for a friend…
As a little bonus, in a lot of places, there is no explicit law regarding necrophilia. Okay byeeeee.
I know… gross.
