Edit: I posted this along time ago and I just wanted to add a quick note. There is no easy way to get through lockdown. Your stress and anxiety, boredom, depression - it is all valid. I know how annoying it is when you mention depression and someone goes “have you tried xyz?”, I have been politely smiling at those questions for YEARS. But from one mentally unstable human to another, this post contains things that I genuinely have to do to stay on top of my mental health. So please forgive how basic bitch this post is, right up until the last note where I say “finger your asshole”. Love you all. xo

As alot of people prepare to go into isolation I thought I should share some tips on how to stay positive, stay sane and I guess take advantage of this time stuck indoors. On the other hand, regardless of if I am social distancing or just plain lonely, these are things that I do to stay on top of my mental health.

Open a window – Get some fresh air, if you have a balcony or yard, go sit outside for a bit.

Have a shower and put on fresh clothes – Seems silly but I know if I am at home and I don’t shower in the morning and put on fresh clothes, I end up feeling like a slob kabob. And that gets me down.

Meditate – There are tons of free guided meditations on youtube and spotify. I listen to them all the time. If you’re wanting to fall asleep to it, search guided meditation + sleep and then whatever other subject you want like POSITIVITY, or anxiety..  (guided meditation + sleep + breakup has had a workout on my phone)

Eat as healthy as possible – Obviously this can be harder as were being limited with what we can eat but I have food allergies and if I eat shit, I am going to feel like shit. This week I have eaten well and it only just occurred to me that I haven’t had a BM yet (bowel movement… and its Thursday)

Talk to your friends and loved ones – Text, face time, ring (if you’re a psychopath). Stay in touch with the ones you love, even if it’s as silly as sending them a meme you think they will like.

Talk to your therapist – Doctors are overwhelmed and I am not sure how you will go getting a mental health plan but if you already have a therapist or you have the means to pay for a session, ask your therapist if you can do a phone session.

Turn off the news – I am not going to go down the rabbit hole of the government conspiracy with Tracy Grimshaw and fear mongering right now because I don’t have the energy but seriously. Give yourself a break from the negativity. News is important but check in with reliable sources when you want a global update.

Read – Pretty simple, give your eyes a break from Netflix. Broaden your mind.

Exercise – Never in my life would I think I’d be advising people to exercise. I hate exercise. But I know it has its benefits. Youtube some workouts that don’t require equipment, Pilates or yoga. Pinterest has a wealth of knowledge as well.

Dance – if you’re opposed to exercise like I am, dancing around like a fucking idiot works wonders! That’s what I do! Learn a dance routine, that’s always fun. Tik tok that shit, and send it to me. @jordank91_

Clean – Spring clean! Re organise! Marie Condo that shit!

Rearrange furniture – I dunno, could be fun, change things up, Feng Shui the shit outa your space.

Learn – Always wanted to learn a new language? Practice your times tables? (I know that’s what my grandma is hoping I do) Play the piano? There are apps for everything.

Create - I am a creative person, I love to craft, write, paint, draw, anything and everything I can get my hands on, I will try. Even if you’re shit at it, who cares. Get a blank piece of paper do a weird squiggle then colour in the blank spots? A la MS Paint.

And last but not least

MASTURBATE! - One more benefit added to team orgasm. Shake things up, try different positions, find your g spot, finger your ass hole, discover your body! Have fun!

Stay safe everyone.

WASH YOUR TOYS. WASH YOUR GENITALS. WASH YOUR HANDS.